I have a sponsee that is unable/unwilling to accept the idea of a power greater than her. We talked for quite awhile last night about how you grow in that idea. I pointed out the spiritual experience in the appendix of the bb. I shared my experience. We talked about the entire God idea and I found myself wincing at the thought of not believing in something, anything that could lead me in a direction of sober living, sober thinking, sober acting.
I had to think back (although not that long ago) at my journey to this understanding. I shared that it has changed as I have grown. It has evolved as I have stayed sober.
But later that night as I reflected on our conversation, I was saddened to think that what I was trying to do was convince her that this is the way to sobriety. Convince, really?
Why didn't I labor long of how many times she tried to stop and couldn't. Why didn't we languish in the truths of her path up to this point? It all seemed totally worthless to me as I lay there in the dark thanking God for keeping me sober and knowing she was at the jumping off point. She asked if I believe in heaven and hell. I told her yes to the heaven. She told me that if she didn't believe in hell she would have checked out of this world already but she was too afraid that would certainly condemn her to whatever that concept is for her. Which sounded scary.
I quickly jumped on that idea. Well if your too afraid to die why don't you get busy living? they say that willingness is the key. THE key. It has to begin somehwere. We ended the tear filled conversation with a promise from her to me that she would at least try the 3rd step prayer daily for awhile. Just see where it leads you.
Then I get a call today at lunch. From her. She was ecstatic. A former ballet dancer and a member of an elite dance troope that years ago was filled with hard fisted believers... yup Christians. AND she admited to me that back then she wanted what they had. they all were happy. loving life. And she was not.
Well out of the blue she received a call from the director today. They will be in town tonight and invited her to come to see them. What? Really? I could not resist,. A GOD thing. REALLY? I trust that is exactly what that is......... She seemed giddy and, at the most, accepting that it was an odd call at best. After all the last time she had anything to do with them she was proudly denouncing the entire outfit as Jesus Freaks and she wanted no part of them anymore. She was happily going on her way w/ pockets of Xanex and any other pills she could fit in those size 0 jeans. That lasted 7 years.
7 years and NOW the call comes in. 7 years. REALLY?
God is amazing. He is all around and I got to experience that sense of joy that was spilling out of her today.
Unbelievable. and less than 24 hrs ago she was ready to leave this life. REALLY? REALLY? hmmmmm
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