I have a sponsee that is just starting this way of life after a relapse. (is it a relapse if you haven't had any real sobriety anyway?) She called this morning and was in a full blown panic attack, begging me to tell her it will get better. And for me, it did. I just have to believe in the steps and this program, otherwise I wouldn't stick around. Would you? I mean we come in beat down. We start working the steps and slowly (for me) things started to change. But I begged people to tell me "when" and "how long". I didn't like to wait (on what I do not know) but if I had a time frame, the wait wouldn't seem so difficult. And no one would. At times I would scream and cry and want to chuck it all. What if you were lying to me. What if this is a trick? The one thing that I knew for certain was that drinking/using - for me - had become a liability. A true sickness and I wanted no more of it. The pain was too great from within. To hell with those people I had hurt. The true motivation that stuck was that IIIIIIIIIII was hurting enough to want to stop. Not you,not them, ME.
At almost 2 years sober I ran to my sponsor's house crying. I just couldn't do this anymore. REALLY? Hmmm. I mean I was not "feeling" those promises that are read. I was miserable (or so I thought) and had little hope that it would change. She promptly advised that I was not drinking - today, right? uh, yes. that would be yes. Well then, your getting what you signed up for, right? uh I guess so....... But, I exclaimed, I want/need more! (there that will show her). Then get busy. Start writing. "what are your truths"? Get to it!
See sobriety does not happen by accident. No sir! It is from a sincere desire to want something else. something better. and I do. I still do. It has gotten better. So when I am asked that by whomever, I can share my experience with them. yes it does.
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