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Allowing the flow not to consume me!

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Let me not forget that this disease wants me dead!

I was reminded of this again last night when  another group member told me about a young girl that came to our group for a short few weeks and one night went home and hung herself.  She died but was brought back to life.  Yes, she was found hanging fromt he second story balcony in her complex.   Brought back to life!  She stayed in the hospital for a few weeks.  She is a miracle.  And hearing of this brought tears to my eyes.  Especially after spending time the night before, on the phone, w/ a sponsee that just can't accept the God thing. 
Understanding w/ my heart that we die from this dis-ease is hard at times.   I mean my head tells me that is the truth.  But until you see it straight on.... the doubt is always looming. 
I went to one of our inpatient facilities last night.  they allow us to bring our experience, strength and hope to the woman on Monday nights.  Doing this is part of giving back but it allows me to see how some people still don't see how grave the whole "addictive lifestyle" truly is.  I saw one woman giggling and having a good time and I could not stop thinking about the lifeless body of the woman as she hung from the balcony. 
Why do so many of us die?  Our book tells us some of us do.  I am so grateful that I was willing to hang on and do a few things to insure sobriety.  EVEN when it seemed futile.  Even when most of what I am feeling is trying to steer me into that lie once again. 
This is a better deal.  I am incredibly comfortable and reasonably happy.  All by the grace of God.

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