CHANGE(S)

I came here to learn how to live without drinking.  Without hurting anyone else.  What I heard scared the hell out of me.  I had to change one thing... and that was EVERYTHING!  How do you do that?  EVERYTHING?  Really?  It took quite awhile to even believe that I needed an overhauling.  A complete change in how I think, which changes how I react and feel.  How do I do that?  Really, I only want the bad stuff to stop happening.  That's it.
Well I jumped into this program everytime something got really bad.  When life straightened out, bam! Right back out I'd go.  And each time it got worse.  And each time I would tell myself, "it can't get worse than this".  And sure enough I would manage to make it that way.. and then some.
Then I heard, "we have ceased fighting anything or anyone".  And slowly that is happening.  Not a bandaid fix which once the scab heals I go back to redamage it.  But a true psycich change.  One necessary to bring about recovery.  I am of the educational variety it talks about in the apendix.  I believe most of us are.  Tell me then let me do it on my own and find out the hard way.  (does this sound familiar?).
Thus my life began again.  June 14, 2007.  Although I also had  sometime in Oct 2004 and then Dec 30, 2005.  But this time, yes this time, I wanted to change.  Not just so the hurt would stop, but so that I could live daily without alcohol. 
And that is what you promised "if" I worked those steps, lived the principals. 
Wow!  Who would have thought this?