Changes in Attitudes/Changing to gratitude

 

Jimmy Buffett comes to mind when I think of the title.  Changes in Attitudes.  Boy does that take me far!

Now, that could go either way, right?  I mean it still is not my natural state to remain positive without hefty effort on my part.   Several opportunities have presented themselves lately.

Expectations have totally ruled my life.  Unfortunately the ‘expect’ part was usually wrought with the negativity of my life.  You know, you get what you put into…… And my ‘part’ was usually crazy screwed up.  But what about those ‘expectations’ that should remain static.   For instance, I asked for a day of vacation a few weeks ago for a camping trip.  Initially the answer was yes.  Yesterday that changed and I was asked how set in stone my plans were.  Seems there was a last minute change to the boss’ schedule.

Well the weather is not going to cooperate for this trip anyway.  I’m not a raining kinda weather gal.  In a tent, I’d like to stay dry…. So, he needs me to be here and I’m not camping in the rain (or high threat there of)..  Quickly we rescheduled for a June date…. It will be fine.

Fine, however, yesterday I was a tad put off since I had been cleared for the day weeks ago.  I went to a place that says, ‘well you don’t matter here anyway; so why should I be upset?’.  Really?   Totally BS but it got me through the afternoon without crying about it.

When I got here this morning I was asked to go to the boss’ office.  What?  Really?  This can’t be good.  But, it was, sort of;  he was trying to find someone to work for me and let me go…..  That helped tremendously.  Thank you (boss) for showing me that YOU know that I matter…

Last week I had a meltdown (emotionally) from the relationship I’m in.  It was bad and I nearly walked away from him.  It isn’t him though.  It is how I perceive things.  He remains oblivious to my ups and downs.   Over the course of a few days I cried, I begged and I prayed my way through it.  No relationship is worth all of this… NO!

When I got up Saturday morning I was better.  The tears were gone and I felt a newness flow through me.  God Consiousness?  I hope…  My attitude picked up and I felt whole again.  I felt free again.  I felt sane again.  Thank you God!  You had me worried for a minute.

Now, things with ‘S’ are still in the early stages but  I gave that to God and have decided to hang loose.  Understand where he is at the moment and either accept or move on.  I, for now, will hang out! 

I don’t know if this post even makes sense to anyone else…. But it sure does to me.