Ok, a huge problem for me is the thing called CoDependent. Being dependent on someone for your happiness. Therefor when they can't or don't give you what you need, or they are in a foul mood or their stress becomes yours YOU are probably codependent. So here is the deal: So I am now what?
Can I possibly search out my insides to varying degrees to find this hidden mystery? My counselor said that just like my recovery from the dark side (drugs and alcohol) and how I was so amazed that the rooms of AA held the key to not drinking, hence the data collected is only the beginning. So that is where I am. However, I know just enough to be dangerous. Man child last night; angrier than I've seen him in awhile. Get s angry at me when I ask why. Slams out of the house at 9pm. This morning he gets up and wizzes past me to go smoke outside. Not saying a word but full of anger still. I got ready for work and right b4 I left I see he is back in bed. Ah he lost his job. No wonder he is angry, worried.... I get it.
But my problem is that I want to fix it. Make it better so both of us are ok. It seems I have always been that way. lets not go to childhood with this. I'm an adult and going forward I want to not do that. Kind of like when we know better we do better.
There are many steps I must take do stop doing what I have always done. Allowing others to make their own mistakes and correct their own mistakes. To stop trying to figure out what the next step is in their lives. Breathing through the process that is just beginning.
We shall continue.................
Hey JJ,you're dangerous because you know how he's got to fix it, yet you want to fix it to make life better for him, which allows you to live your own busy life in conjunction with walking your talk, and in writing to boot. Oh JJ, I know all of us have those same desires to have things smooth, once we realize it can be achieved. And I love how high you can hold your head to see more and more light ahead.
ReplyDeleteI say, as I'm sure you do, "Hey,if I can do it anyone can. And I mean it 150% (to give you an idea of true commitment, which I know we have.
I get carried away. I want you to do this and ask me anything if what I write needs clarifications. If I can be clearer, only you're going to be able to help me.
Thanks for all you write. I met a wonderful older gentlemen all spiffed up and waiting to talk at our local AA. He's 23 years sober. I wished we coulda talked more. Anyway ~