A permanent solution to a temporary problem.....................
Without hurting anyone, I just read the most gut wretching life story I have heard in awhile. It ripped to my core and I suppose it is because it could have been my story.
Several years ago............... in the depth of dispair, sick of my life, sick of me I had no idea of how to stop the pain. The most intense pain I have ever been in. I was so deep into the darkness of my soul that I feared the dawn, the darkness, the reality the starkness of being alone. Truly....... alone.
I begged God to please, please take me. I cried like a baby. I screamed at the top of my lungs. I ... was going to put a radio in the bathtub with me hoping to cut short my life. I had no other means to end it. No garage, no pills, no gun. but the will to live and cut through the sadness just wasn't there anymore.
Why or how we get to that place is an individual experience. I lost a family member at the age of 24 to this very thing I write about. He put a gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. In an instant he was gone.
See, the pain we feel (without the thought of anyone else) is so deep we can not see anything beyond it. I'm sure "he" couldn't either. And my dear blogger friend (family) has shared something so powerful that I am in awe of her honesty. Her willingness to share something that, by all accounts could have been left to the memories of those who loved her the most. And those of us that never knew. Until now. JaW you have a spirit that is being pulled in a direction that is beginning to prove itself if only to those who are on the outside looking in.
While not being close enough to touch you physically, emotionally we are connected. Please know that.
We all come to a place of complete surrender. Some never have too. I, for one, am so glad I did and you did too.
My blessed cousin, my kindred spirit......... thank you for being here.
I love you from afar!
Jj
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