love to all who listen

Up and down.  Up and down.  Up and down.  At least I'm not running in circles.  I had to take a deep breath yesterday.  Just seemed too many people issues that I was trying to manage.  WTH?  But, I confess, I still (hell I never stopped) want to 'fix' people.... most of all my family.  (children).  I literally could not breathe.  I just had to stop, ask for help and move through it.  I did it.  He did it.  Now to the next "thing".  Honestly I hear so often (and speak it sometimes) is this it?  Is this what sobriety is all about?  No bells, no whistles, no fireworks.  Yup, most of the time, no.  Since we are such adrenaline junkies when life is quiet we look for something 'else' to fix that.  Peace we seek but when it comes we freak.  Incredible. 
Last night I heard (again) that one of our youngest members (19 I think) is out there again.  Seems he also ended up in jail.  Which is probably saving his life right now.  Remember the song, "oh when will they ever learn?"  Well?   Me too.  I'm not excluding myself from that list.
I realized this morning as I was talking to a sponsee that I was saying the things to her that I NEEDED to do.  Seems i have gotten so damn busy that I am praying less, meditating less, and staying right on the verge of that jumping off place.  Jump to where I do not know.  I won't whine about the school thing, but it's still  consuming most nights.  And if i'm not at school and I'm not doing homework I'm absorbed in "i need to be".  Fewer and fewer meetings.  Less visits to the gym.  It is gonna either take it's toll on me or I will allow the dust to settle and let things lie as they do/will.  The control is just an illusion.  I have little.

Work becons for the afternoon and school will be the nightcap. 

Love to all who listen.

Jj