Old man winter please blow away!

The wind is howling outside my office window.  Small flakes of snow are blowing around.  Trees look like they could snap.  Temps dropping from the 40’s to the 30’s during the day.  I hate winter!

Grandaughter was so incredibly sick this weekend while at my house.  Could not keep her temp below 101 for very long.  She went to the doc yesterday and has tonsillitis.  I would have sworn it was strep but the test came back negative.  Poor thing…………

Yesterday morning it sounded like a bird was in my chimney.  My cats were having a fit.  I hated it for the bird but when I got home last night everything was quiet.  I hope he was able to fly out.

New bible study going on.  Promises from God.  Interesting but lots of homework.  Clearly stated in bible verse and verse of what He will do.  Now if I will continue to “let” Him.

I was thinking this morning of how quiet life seems right now.  Dare I even think that?  Fear of casting a shadow over things looms internally.  I am not creating chaos, I am not busy destroying lives and right now it seems most things are ok.

So, as I beg my space heater to ward off the wind at my desk, as the window’s chill starts to lower the temp. at my desk; I again state, I HATE winter.

Life is too short

I lost a friend the other day.  He had been given an 18month prognosis after finding brain cancer.  He made it just that long.  His battle was courageous.  He married his girlfriend after the diagnosis, a decision they both decided on for whatever reason.  His impact on the fellowship I belong to was unmeasurable.  They talked of grace and dignity when they described him.  We never saw him feeling sorry for himself  in spite of what he was going through.  We are all better humans just knowing him.  And he is healed, finally.

So, one of the woman I have worked with for 3ish years in our program went back at it full force.  She may not make it back.  Just too much trauma in her short life that just can’t be changed to help her grow beyond it.  Drinking gives her peace, if only for a moment.  It breaks my heart but honestly….. I can’t make her want to be sober.

It is January 17^th and the temps outside show it.  The high today will be in the 40’s but it is certainly chilly.  I am not a cold weather fan and spring can not come soon enough.  After the holidays I want to jump right into spring.  The months of Jan-Mar are dark, cold and depressing.

No raise this year.  Boss told me that our Obama care has taken my raise, since my healthcare has gone up $200.00 a month, he has decided that is where our raise will go.  He pays the entire $500.00 a month and I am more than grateful for that, but my pocketbook will be over $2,000 shorter because of this.  Again, where is the affordable stuff that asshole told us we would get/have.  No truth to that at all.  And forgive my French!

Full weekend with the grandkids planned.  I am happy to spend this time with them.  They are my babies!

Hopefully the end of this week brings reflections of joy and peace, all of which are gifts from above.

 

Happy New Year

So, the crazy holidays are behind us from 2013.  Here we are the first day of the new year.  2014.  I pray all of us have the best of this upcoming year.  Here! Here!

It is bitter cold here with the chance of snow tomorrow, which, for us in the south is a treat.  So, fingers crossed!!!

I am hoping my 'flu' is on the upside of recovery.  I must say that I have gotten this sick for the past 3 or 4 years so hopefully this is it!  Poor RJ is now really sick.   Hoping he recovers quickly.  This is a bugger bear of a strain. 

I did begin 2014 at the gym.  I went to show myself I could.  I stayed to force myself to get off the couch today.  So, scratch that off my list.  I am now home, blogging and sipping hot coffee.  Yum!

I have to say that 2013 was a great year.  Depression seemed to be held at bay.  Work life improved, financially I have made great strides and continue too, and emotionally ... well I have found contentment within which is so much more than I could have imagined.  Yeah God!

Spiritually things just seem good.  I can't explain this new awakening, nor do I want to try.  I so enjoy my church life and being involved seems to suit me.  I have so longed for the life that HE set me to have.  And I know that it is here and now. 

Watching Tournament of Roses parade.  Not one of my favorites but it is a staple of new years day.

Happy New year!!!!

It's over.... or is it..

It's over......Or is it?

December 28th. or is it the 27th?  I'm not sure I have been sick since 6:00 on Christmas Eve.  You ask how do I know the hour?  I had a slight sore throat as I walked into church.  Within 30 minutes I had lost my voice.  By later that night I was coughing and wondering what had hit me.  By Xmas morning I managed to get to my daughter's for a few hours and that was it.  I spent the rest of xmas on the couch.  Coughing, feeling awful and worst of all............ no voice.  Anyone that knows me knows that I am lost without my voice or hands, as I suspect most of us are. 
However, by yesterday I demanded this 'flu' be gone (ha! ha!)  I loaded up on meds and managed to get my decorations down.  Later in the day I went out, hit a meeting and thought... 'hey I am over this'  until I walked into walmart.  I started hacking and coughing  and knew that the reason I am able to be up and out is, again,  meds.  cold and cough meds.   ugh!

So, this blog seems to be my 'voice' today...

I am sad to see the holiday's go.  It seems with it gone some of the kindness leaves too.  Why is that?  No more parties, gift swaps, family get togethers and worst of all at least 3 months of dreary days.

Sickness abounded during the week of Christmas.  Daughters family, one at a time got the worst stomach flu I have ever heard of.  Seems it hit my future daughter in law yesterday.  U-G-L-Y....

So, Christmas 2013 is now tucked away.  Gifts put away or returned. And by the way I got some really awesome gifts....

So, it is really cold outside, the coffee is piping hot and this blanket and couch are calling my name... If just for another day.   So much for my vacation.

It's a Wonderful Life

Theme?  Santa hats...
 

I'm not referring to Jimmy Stewart, although I believe we can all use a miracle, don't you?
Christmas is 3 days away.  Of course I am excited of Xmas morning and being with my fantastic grandchildren, my children, son's fiancé and the kids dad.  We are carrying on a tradition mom started when her grandkids were little.  I believe xmas is for kids.  All kids. 

So, this weekend was the "BoXXXXX's" gathering.  Not sure why it is called that since our extended families seem to fill up the place, and growing.  How awesome.  But, alas, the base family unit began with BoXXXXXX. 

I forgot the count, probably 20ish.... So many kids, grandkids..... And some family members that weren't able to make it last year.  My only regret is we did not get a group photo.  Dang it! 

Eating (our favorite thing to do) a few games and lots of laughter and fellowship.  Thank goodness we all get along.  There were times when we didn't.  Times when arguments insued, leaving hurt feelings or angry souls.  Are we beyond that?  I hope so.

In church this month they have asked if there is anyone that has inspired our walk or someone we may want to be a blessing to this week, month than write their name on a slip of paper.  We turn it in and they add it to a paper chain hanging from the stage.  I keep listing the same folks.  :)

Our temps are incredibly out of season.  The high yesterday was 70.  During the night a cold front moved through giving a light show and lots of rain and thunder.  If I wasn't concerned of tornado outbreak, I probably would have slept like a baby.  No!  Not the case.  We (in the south) know all too well the collision of two fronts hitting each other and the affects it causes.  We are not alone.  The news is full of ice, snow, rain, cold, cold cold.  Seems all areas from Texas eastward are affected.  Brother/sis in law are on the road heading north.  Actually we have heard they have arrived... safe.

So, it truly is a wonderful life, and I like it. 

Merry Christmas everyone...

Jj

Floating by or Fleeing from?

Floating by or Fleeing from?

I was reading a meditation this morning and it talked of slowing down.  Spending time daily connecting to ‘whatever’ power/spirit you may.  Not to be taken over by the ‘world’ and all it’s clammering.

While it did not hit me between the eyes (so to speak), it did whisper quietly to me.  How much time do I devote daily to my spiritual life?  I try to read something daily to get my mind focused on truth rather than fiction.  On inward reflection and direction before the car door shuts and life takes off for the day.  But, should it/does it stop when the book closes?  Most days my awareness surprises me; however, the gentle leading shouldn’t.  After all when I am pushing myself on life, it gets messy.  When I allow the flow I am at peace.

Peace, peace on Earth.  Inward peace.  Peace of mind.  So often I find my mind leading me in direction of negativity and without awareness I would be stuck.  A long time ago a lady I knew and I were talking about a guy we both knew.  It was not an inspiring conversation either.  I wouldn’t go as far as calling it bashing, but, well it was.  The next day she called me and said she did not like the way she felt after all we talked about.  Who we talked about.  She asked that going forward we not do that anymore.  I was taken aback by her cander.  I was embarrassed and ashamed vowing never to do that again.  Well that lasted all of a minute (figuratively).  So, as time passed and I continued, at times, to let you know how I viewed another person, that drag on my heart got stronger and stronger.  Is this how I want to live?  Is this constructive?   The answer is apparent.

Here, at the office I find that happening all the time.  He says, and I fall in line.  Like a little soldier.  How pitiful that can be.  Again, the awareness is the key, after all how can I change something I can’t see?  The key here beyond awareness is the willingness to do something different.  And today I want too and will try.  Much better than beating myself up for slacking, the positive change means much more.

December 19^th.  My family gathering is Saturday.  Silly as it sounds once that happens I almost feel the spirit leave.  As if Christmas has come and gone and it hasn’t even arrived yet.  Living in today should help that attitude…………  Practice! Practice! Practice………….

 

Next week I will begin on Xmas eve a 5 day staycation (if you will).  Doing nothing, doing something, doing whatever.  It doesn’t happen often that I have that many days in a row off.  I am so looking forward to it.  Of course the goal during that time is the decorations.  Down they will come and boxed up for next year.  But this is about Today!

Tonight I will go with son and his fiancé to a living xmas tree production at a  local church.  I haven’t been before but hear it is awesome.  Looking forward to spending time with them as well.

 

Enjoy!  Today may be all we get..

Am I the only one?

Am I the ONLY one?

I shut down during the holidays for several years following my divorce.  Several being 5 or 6.  I cried anytime I was in a store and they began to play the carols I loved, as it only reminded me of my loss and that I was truly single (alone).

A couple of years ago I began to emerge from this self-imposed exile (if you will).  I put up a tree for the first time, and tried to get excited.  The following year it got better until now.  Well actually even last year I was excited for the holidays.  Don’t ask me what had changed other than my sadness had begun to dissipate.  My loneliness and anger were being overcome by gratitude.  This year is no different unless you count that I’m even happier.  I loved decorating my condo.  Outside lights and all.  I even put up my little villages.  Every night I just sit and admire the twinkling lights and know that I have come so far.

So, here it is the 16^th of December.  In a little over a week this season of good tidings will be nearly over.   I’m not ready.  I love shopping, Christmas music, hustle and bustle… ALL of it!

I think one of the reasons I hate to see it go is having something to look forward to.  The frivolity of parties and gatherings of friends and family.  This week alone I am attending a church activity, a xmas party of dear friends and Saturday my family will gather at MY place.  MINE.  That hasn’t happened in so long. 

Now, in the realization of MY happiness lie many others that struggle during this time.  Either depression or desperation.  No money or no family or both.  Struggling to find the means to give just a small item to their children.  The children orphaned and left at shelters.  The elderly that no longer have anyone to come see them.  There are so many people that just can’t get excited over a season when that season means much more negative than anything.

And then I am reminded of what we are truly celebrating.  At church yesterday the pastor danced around with children laughing at the joy of knowing that Christ was born this month.  That our JOY is in His birth not all the other “stuff”.  I know that.  I also understand that to overlook that means we are so full of ourselves that we think more of ourselves than the BABY JESUS.    

So, as I observe all of the musings, I am reminded why we are all here.  Thank you Jesus!!!! 

You certainly are my savior and many others. 

Even if you don’t believe in Jesus, then the jolly old fat man should help you with this season.

 

 

 

December 16, 2013