I am so good at picking out the ONE thing about you that irritates me. But let you do that to me and I am completely defensive. I have spent months angry, resentful at a woman that has been sober for 20 years. I'd love to list her many defects but that would defeat the purpose of my writing. Instead, IF I want to mature and grow and be free of those things which stand in the way of being useful to God and you I MUST stop. Stop. How do I do that? When she walks in the room and dismisses me as if I were a school girl. As if I don't matter. Matter! That's it. It conjurs up those feelings of childhood. It always comes to this. I want to matter. I want you to know I am there. That I have something so important to say that you will be in awe of me. OMG. How ego driven is that? And all along I have been more than happy to remain angry. And I will until it gets too painful.
This morning I read all about me in the daily meditations. I was slapped into the reality that I have not been acting very "sober".
Resolve. Yes, resolve to do better.
Who am I kidding? IF I could change me I would. God makes that possible. With my cooperation anything is possible. Today is a real good example of being shown where my character is headed. So the 3rd step prayer is invaluable to me IF IF IF I apply it to all areas of my life.
And I want too. And I will. And I will see how HE is changing me. Little ole' humble me.
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