It has been an incredibly emotion filled weekend. My oldest sister, my old running buddy, my partner in crime has succumed once again to the horreds of her poor body. They found her (thank God) semiconscience Sat morning. She arrived via ambulance shortly around 11:00am. I arrived right behind them. She worked, very succesfully at this hospital for about 20 years. The people that are still at the ER (which is where she worked, and thrived) love her. I didn't understand that at first. She has been super selfish her whole life but they love her. Well Sat as we all rushed in to watch as they tried to save her (and they did) some of them cried. Some sat stoic as if that would keep them from feeling. Her family; boohoo'd as if that would erase their careless attention to her over the past several years. Her other family; me, my other sister and my brother stood and watched. Our dilemna was this; she has been so sick for so long. in and out of hospitals, nursing homes (and she is only 58). therapy. surgeries. pain, more pain. and then MORE pain. What once was the most active, going going going female I knew is now a puddle of mess. Tubes running everywhere. Breathing apparatus doing its job. Worst bp was 41/21. They ushered us out. When it looked like she was stable enough they rushed her to surgery. She had a ruptured bowel. She had another surgery yesterday. IF she pulls through she will not ever live alone again. Today they will try to ween her off the respirator. They had her in a drug induced coma and that was hard to see. All of this is hard. And I'm just her sister. Her baby sister. The one that followed her around like a puppy when we were younger. We camped together over endless summers. White water rafted. The winter my (ex) husband left me she took me to a wonder trip for a few days to help me heal. She has held our hands, wiped our tears. She ruled with an iron fist and loved her life and yorkies like there was no tomorrow.
All of that is gone. We will pack up her house this weekend and move 58 years of memories into a storage facility.
I am sad. Why God are you taking her one body part at a time? Why don't You take her? She is so miserable and has no fight left in her. Why Why Why?
It's not mine to question. So I pull back, wipe the tears and ask of her children; how can i help.
God your power flows even when our hearts are breaking. I am sober for this and once again our "family" pulls together for the good of her.
I love you D. Your life has meant so much to all.
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