I love being sober! I mean emotionally sober. But how did I get there and how do I remain? Well the beginning was extremely hard. The steps helped to clear out the junk, and level the playing field for me. when your entire life was consumed by fear and self loathing anything is better than that.
God keeps revealing more to me. Somedays I relish that, others I cringe. But, I want to continue to walk this sober walk. In all areas of my life. Sometimes that is difficult.
My family is falling apart. I mean my sister's family. Too much drama and anger for me. I steer clear if possible and try not to add to the mix.
Ever feel like you were leaving all semblance of your old life behind? I do. I fear for my family thought. Fear that their lives will always be a muddy mess.
So without saying goodbye to AA I am continuing on a spiritual plane. Church. Yes, I said it. That seems to evoke high emotions in our fellow sufferers. I joke at that. Really? Who do YOU think got you here? Who do you THINK keeps you here? For me I know the answer.
As I sat in a woman's bible study last night I began to look around at the woman. Not to judge, but to observe. Where are they in this walk? Do they have their lives together? Is God center? do they need HIM like I do? For me there will be days of lollying in the sunshine. But there will always be the need and desire (I pray) to Keep God the Center of my world. All other paths led me to more destruction.
I am in awe of HIS Power!
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