A shift in the sands of time

A shift in the sands of time

I never,never thought of this; and this is not about feeling sorry for myself.  No.  This is the reality of today.  I have posted but I feel compelled to restate.

When my children were growing up I never thought of their adult life.  Who would?  We are too busy taking care of those precious kids to look beyond right then.  My world was a wreck and I did not have great parenting skills but I muddled through and hopefully they have grown into the adults they are partly because of the positive in their rearing. 

My son was a troubled kid.  Just never seemed to find his way.  I have also written about this many, many times.  My heart broke for him and over him many times.  Perhaps my character was being molded through that too. 

My daughter has been married for almost 15 years.  Probably not the best but they are hanging in and somewhat committed to raising their 4 kids. 

My son, after getting sober married a great girl and now they have the most precious baby I can imagine.  He is the apple of my eye.  I wonder, if in some small sense of the word if it is due to my own sobriety or perhaps my age.  Or maybe both.  I love all of my grandkids.  There is not ‘buts’ in that.  None whatsoever.

So, here is the family status quo.  Hardly talk to my daughter; although when we do we find the time to catch up on all the kid stuff.  She has 4 teenagers and all of which are involved in some activity or another year round.  So, she runs here and there… tries to wrangle cats all the time.  And, I suspect, is successful most of the time.

My son…. We did talk every morning.  Like clockwork.  I would be getting ready for work, he would be headed to a job and we would talk about all kinds of stuff.  I loved it.  I loved hearing his excited voice over jobs or baby or marriage.  I love him so much.

So, here is the deal.  They don’t need me 24/7.  I know, I know… they shouldn’t.  You’re right.  This is where their lives should be.  Busy with their families.  But I am lost.  Grandkids have other things going on so they have not spent the night in months.  M and A are busy with their own schedules… baby, work, school, baby, work…… I understand that.

So at 57 I find myself still single (which is not a bad thing), doing most of what I like to do, but lonely for all the clamoring from those lives that I so adore.  I can see now.. . There is no going back.  I should cherish those days and times with all of them.  But, I am saddened but grateful they are all doing well.