Trust in all of
my life
This is a tough
one. I have said before that I always
had a belief in God but only time I called out to him was in disgrace or
misfortune. Certainly, only to alleviate
the immediate concern. After that I was
back to ‘normal’ and Thank you God but I’m good!
That was until Nov
2004. The 27th to be
exact. I know because that would have
been our 13th wedding anniversary.
He wanted out of my life and I needed a new one. One that would save me from me and all that I
had become. I had no idea the journey I was
in for.
I have heard that
IF we got what we thought we wanted we would short ourselves; I’m referring to
our God prayers. Living right, asking in
prayer, and building a firm bedrock in which to live. I was one of those people.
I begged God to
restore my marriage. I begged Him to fix
my drinking. I begged for my life to
straighten out. Little did I know what
was in store.
First off, my
marriage did not survive. But I did get
sober and my life has straightened out.
Wow! So, does He answer our
prayers or what? I began to pray that R’s
heart be changed where I was concerned.
It has. I asked for a new
job. I got that. Every time I had to move I asked for
direction. At one time I knew I was
going to move; leave the apartment that I had lived in for 5 years. Scary at best but inside I just knew I would
be ok. I asked for something in Hsv, a
place for my cats to go outside. A garage. What I got was a beautiful condo. A garage.
A small yard just big enough for frick and frack. It was in Madison but now, I wouldn’t change
that for anything. I have been there for
3, almost 4 years. Every day I walk up
the stairs I smile. This is exactly
where I was supposed to be. I am in
awe. There are many more examples of His
working in my life some of which I had not even thought of but once the
situation was over…. I was always ok.
The events of the summer had me stumped about God and his plan for
me. I still can get upset about the
whole thing but I am not reliving that again.
Suffice to say it may have been what I wanted but the other party didn’t. God saw me through and believe me it was a
dark time. I began to wonder was God
there? In spite of the evidence I have
just mentioned… is He there?
After the breakup I
reassessed my true connection. Was I truly
listening? Did I miss His
direction? During the months that
followed things began to lighten up. Now
the next corner to turn. Trust in spite
of. I have decided to release my grip on
another area of my life that He says is the most important in our
relationship. I cried, I bargained and I
finally said ok… Here ya go. This is the
interesting part. Quietness filled me
after sometime. A joy came over me and I
knew I would be ok. This leap of faith
was hard and will continue to stretch my faith but I’m giving it to Him. Yes, I am testing Him. But I know, in my heart, I will be ok. Wow!
No comments:
Post a Comment