Off or On TRACK?

I get off track at times… ok a lot.  Anyone that knows me, is aware of that and have been for a while.  It’s life. 

So, when I began this blog my intention was taking about living one day at a time without drinking.  How God has/is transforming my life.  And… Breathing through it all.  And I do mean IT ALL.

We are in the middle of fall, one of my favorite time of the year.  I love the bright colors, the smell of anything pumpkin, the cooler temps.. football… breathing during all of that comes real natural.  And as it should be.

What about “all” the “other” times?  Good, bad, bad, good, and the cycle continues.  The need to breathe never ends; it’s knowing not to ‘not’ breathe that is challenging at best... when the world comes down on us.

And it has several times during my sober life.  Two of the biggest hit 10 years apart.  I remained sober this time.  So, what does that concept mean?

Well small kids that aren’t getting their way hold their breath.  Agree?  Temperament and all.  It’s crazy for them to do that but if it works…. Then why not…

But what about being an adult?  What then?  I have skipped through my sober journey many months at a time and life has been ok.  OR my perception had it that way (and I’m sure it was).  However, what I have found is over time, my coping method still seems to be to not breathe.  You know, kinda like forgetting too.  How anyone can do that is a mystery.  Or maybe just a little.  Just enough to keep me from passing out but certainly restrict airflow.  What is the deal?

I’m not a kid.  I’m not kicking and screaming.  I’m demanding but so what.  I’m manipulative but isn’t everyone?  I’m fearful but you would be too if………………

So, I doesn’t matter what drives you, what matters is that you drive.  If fear is running my life… take a look at the causes and effect and look for solutions.  In the 8.5 years of sober living I have managed to let go of most of what ailed me.  most.  What I have found is given the right circumstances they can and have crop back up.  Think of whack a mole.

What I am growing into acceptance of is even if I am afraid, lonely, sad, peaceful, joyful, grateful, demanding, greedy, loveable, grieving, laughing…. I don’t have to drink and I can breathe through most of it.  That which causes me too much grief I can and have rolled up in a ball and cried like a baby till the wee hours of the morning.  (She says ½ jokingly)

Its life.  Mine... I share as needed…. I cry when needed….. I pray when needed…. (Which is all the time)…. I give when needed………. Point is… I am breathing through this thing called life.