Hmor Me

Humor me!

Sober living has done and given me so many opportunities; some I never saw coming.

Some I wish (for now) had not happened.  Most of which I have learned from.  But all those lessons were not always easy to swallow.  Some I had to be force-fed…

I have seen the darkest of days, the lightest of nights, the happiest of times and the sadness of the rest.  Truly it IS what comes our way that determines so much but equally important is our reaction to it all.  My reaction…. Has been awful at best…. For a while. 

At the horrible ending of my relationship with ‘s’ I blew up and threw him out of my house.  Ok, that is real sober acting, isn’t it?  Ugh!  I stewed and cried and damaged his character over and over for several weeks.  After all… you needed to know how bad he had treated me and how bad I hurt.  I, I, I.  ugh!  Over the weekend I took a trip to the lake to try to release my fear and sadness over this relationship.  Water, camping, outdoors all make me happy and I needed that.  However, at the end of the weekend I realized my hurt had resurfaced and I was processing in the wrong direction.  Yesterday morning I got up, came to work and without much more than a passing prayer I sent him a text asking if I could email him.  He replied with, ‘if I think it is important’.  So I sent a ‘I am truly sorry for how I treated you that last night.  No matter what had happened I did not have the right to treat anyone that way.  He responded late last night with I forgive you, I hope you will me and I wish you all the happiness I deserve.   If there is such a thing as a better ending, I guess that is it.  I can’t write anything else on that or I will cry.

My heart is mending but I am standing in the way..  I am better…. Thank God I’m not bitter.   I have a way to go but this has drawn me as close to God as I can be.. out of fear, anxiety, sadness and anger.  I’m a work in progress…. What can I say?

So our newest addition to our family will be here in a few weeks.  A precious baby boy for my baby boy.  He will be loved!

Fall is in full swing and the air temps drop and rise like smoke in the mountains.  Sometimes hovering above normal and other times just plain dropping, quickly.  Only two weeks and I’m off to the Smokies!  Yeah!

See, my life (my sober life) is good.  Painful yes, but all my needs are being met.  I have a smile on my face some of the time now.  I can breathe again.  Thank you  God!