whine !!!

I’m gonna whine for a minute.   I have tried several times over the past years to get out and start dating again.  I hate, hate, hate the whole ‘dating’ idea/scene.   I have talked to men (friends) that have told me how bad they hate it too.  Especially at our age…  And here I sit…. I have been on several dates this past month and none of them were more than once.  Here is the totally crazy thing… I didn’t care for any of them.  I mean… more than like.  Although I did try to sugar coat the whole thing and make it better but even that didn’t work.  So, why am I acting all pitiful about not being asked out again?  I mean didn’t I just say, I did not want another date with any of these guys yet when it is threir decision it seems harder.  I mean rejection sucks and I have had my fill.  It doesn’t help that in the middle of the rejection of one of these dates, I hear/feel those words/feelings from “him” many moons ago.  And it still hurts.  It still makes me angry.   I DO NOT WANT TO BE HERE.  But I am.    So, let the anger go……………….

Why does it feel so lonely these days?  I can be totally fine one minute and then bam!  It hits me like a ton of bricks…. You’re  alone.   I think I have talked to enough woman to say that sometimes it truly isn’t about long term, but rather to have a somebody to go places with. 

 

So, I keep trudging, praying, believing and painfully living (at times) alone.  I broke it off with a long term relation-ship that shouldn’t have been anyway but that hasn’t changed me still wanting more. 

Done whining. 

 

On another note we lost a gem today,  Maya Angelou died at the age of 86.  What a pioneer.  What a terrific woman of God!