Then What?

I can/do live thinking beyond or behind my circumstances.  Taking away from the here and now.  I believe all of us do to some extent.  Well the other day in thinking about my future, my relationships, my wants, desires, dreams- it hit me.... then what?  So you are blessed to receive the 'things' you want.  Then what?  When actually I have what i need and then some.  In prayers I have asked God for many things, some more than once or twice.  In reflection it is real clear I have gotten exactly what I needed and a lot of what I wanted.  Matter of fact anything I wanted and didn't get have been erased by the acknowledgement of seeing what I have instead.  Amazng Grace.

We lost another on Monday.  The disease of untreated alcoholism is deadly.  Does not care who it takes out.  And it took a precious soul who could not get her footing back after having over 7 years without that poison.  Dead.  Alone.  Family found her.  How awful.  My heart breaks for her kids.  Her parents, her grandchildren (whom she adored).  Damn this disease. 

I listened last night to a topic in a meeting.  A part in the big book of alcoholics anonymous, 'and we have ceased fighting everything and everyone'.  CEASED.  And how many really do?  If I feel cross at anyone for how they believe, I am fighting.  Lots of times during the day or week I am met head on by my defiance and my unwillingness to not have to 'be right' especially when I conceed, conceed and still am being beat up by anothers actions or words.  Ugh!

So in reading my meditation it clearly states over and over (daily) to keep my focus on God.  To stay connected ALL through the day.  Perfect peace can overtake the darkness of the situation when i 'stop fighting' that includes myself. 

Sounds powerful or it can be a curse.  Honestly every thing we go through can be turned into something positive and useful in God's world.  Turn my thoughts to someone I can help and get out of my head.  What about me, what about me, what about me?  Self centered to the core but asking God to direct my actions..

I am still stuck in my head about the relationship I have with 'him'.  I become angry just thinking about 'it'.  So God here is another part of my life that I can not change without help...........