Dampened Spirit(s)

Holidays, Heartaches and Headaches

Happy 4^th to everyone (albeit a day late).  So, the 4^th probably means many things to many people, but for the ones that keep us free  Here’s to you!.  Thank you for your service.

In reflection of this holiday from years back I am reminded of some happy times as a kid.  Camping was something my dad loved to do and boy did we ever.   I remember once, maybe twice that we sat on the boat out on the lake while the grownups shot fireworks for all to see.   As a 10-12 year old it was a blast.  I am  not a fireworks kinda gal.  I think when someone else is shooting them, they’re neat.  And that is the way I choose to leave it.  I have had fun with the grandkids on several celebrations (probably b4 the actual date) where we have played with sparklers (yup, they still make them) and a few that once lit they stay close to the ground.  I love the sound of laughter when they are having fun.   Maybe that is what dad felt too.  Hmmmm.

So this 4^th I chose to stay home.  Since it fell on a Thur and I had to work the next day, AND we had massive amounts of rain, I relished the idea of being home anyway.  I listened as the locals shot off fireworks till after 10pm.  Yes, even the rain couldn’t  “damper” (sorry couldn’t help that one) the souls of the faithful.

Once again I attempted to put up a boundary with ‘him’.  He was really upset.  Not yelling or anything but I certainly surprised him, and later he told me as much.  I had really been praying so much to be placed in a position of neutrality.  So, neither the hurt that was surely going to come; or the fear was going to keep me in bondage.  Yeah right.   So, I blurted out what I needed him to know/hear.  Since I was at his house I wanted to run out the door.  And I did rather quickly.  After I had gotten home, my determination began to leave.  I tried to talk to someone about this but like most of my friends and probably all of my family; they are sick of hearing it.

When he called I answered and we talked.  It was not pleasant nor easy.  When we hung up I broke into wails of sorrow, for what I really could not say.  For the rest of the afternoon and evening, those waves came and went many times.    But, when bedtime came I was able to leave the emotions and sleep soundly.  It is getting better.

Lastly the man-child is doing rather well.  But this morning I got to see his old self in action.  He still has a pretty hefty temper/anger.  I suppose if nothing changes, nothing changes. 

 

The forecast is calling for more rain, on top of the flooding from yesterday.  Yikes, someone call Noah.

 

Jj