What am I thinking?



You mean I have to read all the pages?

 Ok, so in school many, many years ago I was a poor student to say the least.  I was either too shy to speak up for fear of being made fun of, or playing the clown to either a) draw attention to me or b) push it away.  Either way I did not do well.  Fast forward many years.  I find I am ADD.  I think I had known that for a few years anyway.  I may have addressed this here buy your gonna have to listen again. 
First off the medication I was given was a stimulant.  Uh, I'm an addict and I eagerly got my hands on it and began, right out of the gate taking too many.  It actually had a horrible effect and therefor was not what I thought I needed.  the next medication was supposed to work without the stimulation.  It did not.  And again, I tried to "force" it to give me a buzz.  Strike out!  So here i am now, sober and of sober judgement.  Great so far.  Also a woman that is past her prime (if you will) and still struggling to remember stuff.   AND I go and enroll in the Jr college here.  WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?
I go from holy crap to wow in seconds.  I go to pick up my books later today.  I paid for the classes and now it's a "go" for Monday. 
I will go at night.  Which thankfully most days my "job" doesn't wear me out mentally.  So work during the day and then to school 2 days a week.   I know it will impact my life, and it should.  I have been on the go since my divorce 8 years ago.  Now that will have to change.  Ok, I can do that.  Getting up at 4am to go to the gym...... uh ok, I'll try.  Staying close to my recovery group..... NECESSARY!  without sobriety I don't stand a chance.  So, homework, work, playtime, recovery time, me time, sponsee's time, dinner time, wait, did I say ME time?  Isn't all of this ME time?
And this is taking my mind off of "him".  Isn't that just like God?  At least my God.  I just laugh at the whole thing.  How all this is playing out.  And most of all that I am not filled with dispair about "him" and moving forward.  Not to another, but to another time consuming deal.  Huh.  Sounds good to me. 
Me.  All by myself me.  If I allow myself to indulgence of "waaaa" I will be going backwards.  Nope, not today.  His grace is sufficient, as I am learning.  I may not always be ok, but somewhere inside of me I know "it" will be ok.
Enjoy today.  Life today.  Smile at the world, today.  Give a stranger an acknowledgement.  We ALL matter.  And that is what counts, right?

4 days and counting!