Personal Honesty

Being "cash register" honesty is easy.  I would not take anything that did not belong to me.  But this is about being 'honest' w/ myself.  Ok, I can 'fool' the masses by just saying, "I'm fine" or whatever.  When inside there could be a fire raging.  A storm stealing my own thunder.  I am discovering that I have well hid from you and me what I'm really feeling.  Ok, try this on; why would it matter if I told someone the truth about how I feel if, inside, those words are a lie.  Here is that inner conflict AGAIN.
I almost feel compelled to keep all that in.  Whatever "that" is.
So, what does personal honesty mean to me?  Or rather what do I need it to BE for me?  Well to begin with relationships I will sacrifice how I feel or what I need to keep the other person happy.  All to my detriment.  Push my feelings aside or down.  Pretend they don't exist.  Well we all know what happens to a bottle of coke that gets shook up.   Eventually it comes to the surface.  Sometimes in the most inopertune time or with the wrong people, i.e. I may blow up at a cashier instead of recognizing hurt, anger or fear that has been brought on by life.  And that, my friend, has happened.
So how do I begin?  And more importantly where will this take me?  I have a friend that tells me all the time that I'm a deep thinker.  It drives him nuts as he is a take it as it is meant kinda guy.  I am always trying to find a hidden meaning or agenda. 
I begin with small things.  Take for instance if someone is treating me poorly, walk away.  Don't stay for the entire show.  We treat people how to treat us.  And now, I know that all too well.
Have you heard the saying, people come into our lives for a reason, season or a lifetime.  In discovering and practicing being honest with me, I have had to leave some relationships.  I have left friends behind too.  Funny thing is they normally don't even realize it.  And I certainly don't broadcast, "hey your not welcome here anymore"!
Life is way too short for excess baggage.  So I have left some of it at the train station.  SOME being the oprative word.  Ok, I'm a work in progress and perhaps that journey will not end till the sun sets on my life.

So being 'happy' sometimes means I may have to be 'unhappy' or 'uncomfortable' in letting things or people go.
Can you relate?

Here in the south we are still trying to dampen our corn crops that are so parched.  Heat rises as the humidity does too.  However, we are not mourning the deaths of loved ones that went to a movie premier and never came home.  Or those that made it out of this senseless shooting rampage within seconds of loosing their own lives.  My prayers and thoughts are with them today.

Cherish life as it is a gift.  Why do you think they call it "the present"

:)  Jj