Victim of the delusion

Sometimes I can still fall back on that.  Victim.  Victim of the delusion.  Many delusions.   Today I really believe I am.  A victim that is.  I say this in all honesty.  I am trying to come to terms w/ work.  Although I may not always be the sharpest knife in the drawer, I do feel I am worthy and an honest worker.  I have never been trained to do what I do.  Well beyond the "licensing" that is required.  The office seems hostile on days.  And I find myself retreating over and over and over again.  I need and want out.  Here is one of the issues;  I have been given lots of breaks by my boss.  I mean huge.  Financially he has bumped me up the income ladder beyond my wildest dreams.  Additionally, he has done for me what most people wouldn't.  That is dug into his own pocket a few times to help me.  This never was anticipated nor asked for.  But it was done all the same.  He is a good guy.  My co-worker is not.  He does not miss an opportunity to knock me down a notch or two.  Now, I see this and know it is his stuff, his own fears that keep this going on.  But I am locked in the silence of hating it here.  I send out resume's but honestly when you feel knocked down it's hard to get up.  I miss the corporate world where part of your training is being trained as you go or on new stuff.   Here it is dog eat dog.  And I'm not  into that fight.
So, I moan through another day, quietly piercing souls with the darts of resentments.  I pray for relief and of course a light at the end of this tunnel.