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Friday, January 2, 2015

New Beginnings... 2015


New Beginnings…………….. Heartaches and Happiness  (I think)

January 2, 2015 Blink and the year is gone.  And so it was.  Not the best of holidays for the family.  Tom (kid’s dad) passed away on Dec 31st at 2pm.  Incredibly painful to watch my children.  I have not seen my grandkids yet but will tonight.  D said they are trying to process albeit lots of tears.  And we just can’t take that away.  I have thought many times since then of how to talk to kids (small) about death.  I know there are books out there; but how does a family talk to their family?  This time I believe they did it right.  Mom, dad and uncle sat down with all of them and told them with love.  Gave them all the breathing room they needed, lots of tears, hugs and more……………..  I’m sure it was hard on all of them.

It just dawned on me … that was only 2 days ago.  God what a fog.  Thankfully yesterday was a holiday for most.  I believe those that knew him walked around in a daze.  Kids went to his house and packed up some personal items…. I pulled up and began to cry.  It was December 21st when he asked ‘D’ to take him to the hsp.  It was the next day they sent him home with hospice.  He knew, we all knew the end was near, yet…… do we ever really ‘know’?   I have thought of so many things.  How do you process that you are near death?  How?  What goes on inside?  He had been fighting cancer for about a year.  Since the end of summer everyone held their breath praying for one more week.  Make it to “m’ wedding  - thank you Jesus!  Make it to Halloween, Thanksgiving…. Xmas… Syd’s trip….  All those dates came and went… and then he was gone.  This has truly sent shock waves internally for me.  Wow, we are mortal.  Where did he go?  Was he afraid?  Is he with Jesus?  Was he aware of the activity surrounding him in those last hours?  That “M” never left his side.  This man could be a royal pain but he loved his kids and adored those grandbabies. 

So, there will be the year of…… without him.  Every holiday, event will pass with silence knowing he won’t be there.  His estate (if you will) may be a mess without a will…. And all of this has fallen on the man child’s shoulders.  What a turn of events.  Thank you God that “m” was clean and sober.  That his dad got to see how truly precious his kids are and that ‘m’ was going to have a better life.. Tom always made sure the grandkids had what they needed and most of what they wanted.  That will cease as we cannot carry that load financially.  One of the first things he told ‘m’ when they said this is the end was, ‘make sure they always have a good xmas’…. How truly heartbreaking is that?

So………….. sad ending to 2014 but other happiness was found.  The marriage of ‘M&A’… Miracle of miracles.  Syd’s wonderful trip to Disneyworld and the Outback bowl.  Not many kids get to do that…

The end of life will happen for all of us……….. but I pray that none of us has to feel that loss anytime soon.

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