Spiritual Malady

I have not been so "spiritual" lately.  I know this because I am angry, frightened, self absorbed need I go on?  I will post what was sent to me about this spiritual malady we suffer from:  Worth reading again.

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  What is this "spiritual malady" we alcoholics suffer from and how can "untreated alcoholism" cause an alcoholic to return to drinking--EVEN WHEN THEY DON'T WANT TO? What is the remedy for it?

Imagine three layers. The first layer is our bodily reaction to alcohol when we ingest the drink--the physical craving. Under that is the second layer: the insanity of the mind just before the first drink--the mental obsession. Under that is the third layer - the "spiritual malady": the inward condition of untreated alcoholism. Symptoms of this "third layer" as described in the Big Book include:

1. being restless, irritable, and discontented (page xxvi),

2. having trouble with personal relationships,

3. not being able to control our emotional natures,

4. being a prey to (or suffering from) misery and depression,

5. not being able to make a living (or a happy and successful life),

6. having feelings of uselessness,

7. being full of fear,

8. unhappiness,

9. inability to be of real help to other people (page 52 - #2 thru #9),

10. being like "the actor who wants to run the whole show" (pages 60-61),

11. being "driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity" (page 62),

12. self-will run riot (page 62),

13. leading a double life (page 73),

14. living like a tornado running through the lives of others (page 82), and

15. exhibiting selfish and inconsiderate habits.

These name just a few of the symptoms of the spiritual malady" that’s described throughout our text. But still in all, these are just symptoms of the "spiritual malady."

What is it really? What is the driving force of the symptoms described above?

On page 62 the text explains that "Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles." This "SELFISHNESS-self-centeredness" (or the "ego", as some people refer to it) drives us to respond to life situations with the above "symptoms" as well as disorders and addictions other than alcoholism.

If this selfishness-self-centeredness continues to manifest in an alcoholic’s life--EVEN IN SOMEONE WHO IS NOT DRINKING AND CONTINUES TO ATTEND MEETINGS--and the ego is not smashed and re-smashed by continuous application of all twelve steps, the sober (or "just not drinking") alcoholic is sure to drink again eventually ... or even worse, continue to live miserably being "undrunk" (better known as a "dry drunk"). This is why we see people with 10 years in A.A. wind up in mental institutions--AND THEY HAVEN’T HAD A DROP TO DRINK!

You see, if I continue to act out with selfish--self-centered--ego-driven behaviors I will continue to experience the symptoms of the "spiritual malady." If I continue to experience this inward unmanageability, eventually my mind will seek out the "sense of ease and comfort" it thinks it can receive from taking a drink. Or, my ego can deceive me into thinking I’m doing perfectly fine. (i.e.: Fred’s story in Chapter 3... Fred drank when there wasn’t "a cloud on the horizon".)

Typically, we’ll tell ourselves and others, "Well, at least I’m not drinking." All of a sudden, I can experience a "strange mental blank-spot"--otherwise known as a "sober blackout"--and before it even hits me I’m pounding on the bar asking myself "How’d this happened?"

So, ask yourself if you’re suffering from the "spiritual malady"--particularly if you haven’t had a drink for a while. What condition is your "inner life" in, currently? Are you experiencing any of the symptoms listed previously?

* Has it been a while since you’ve taken another alcoholic through the Steps?

* Has it been a while since you have gone through the steps?

* Have you ever taken all of A.A.’s Twelve Steps?

* Have you done more than one 4th Step inventory?

* Have you completed all your 9th Step amends wherever possible?

* Is there something wrong in your life that you will not face and make right?

* Is there a habit or indulgence you will not give up?

* Is there a person you will not forgive?

* Is there a wrong relationship in your life you will not give up?

* Is there a restitution you will not make?

* Is there something God has already told you to do that you will not obey?

**Are you working with the disciplines and practices of steps Ten and Eleven (self-examination, meditation and prayer)...consistently... EVERY DAY?*