Endings

Saying goodbye can be easy, bitter sweet or just plain hard.  Take a ride with me.

2014 was a better year in my life than so many before.  More healing, more challenges that I was willing to face, perhaps more of a spring in my step.  perhaps.

So, goodbye to the year, the holidays.... Memorial day (so many years ago my daughter headed to the hospital for the birth of my precious "S").  July 4th  another great holiday but also sharing that day is the death of my mother in 1995.  Labor day holds the memory of the death of my stepson, a lost soul who, hopefully is in a better place.  Halloween still holds the dubious honor of my favorite of holidays.  BOO!  Thanksgiving is just that.  Thankful for life today.. so much to look forward to.  It also marked the end of my marriage.  A bitter end.  A battle I can still fight internally if I allow it.
Christmas.  The birth of Jesus.  That in itself brings warmth... However this also brought the father of my children to the ER and the faster path to his end.  And here is where we are.

He wanted to fight to live.  That was 1 week ago.  Laying in a hospital bed in my son's house, hooked up to the oxygen that helps him breath.  Our pastor came to visit.  Within a few days he had been baptized therein sealing his place in heaven, which seems terribly close.

My children have watched him... my grandchildren cry.  Other family members come to see and perhaps say goodbye.  Everyone having their own memories to cherish or dismiss; whichever seems appropriate.  Mine, well mine are scattered at best.  I cry at the sight of his small grey body lying in a bed that offers no comfort.  Christmas was shared by all of us, his 2 kids, his 4 grandkids and me.  The one person that caused him way too much pain but welcomed all the same.  THIS is not about how bad I had been.  This is about how this ending found healing and love.....

So, 2014 is nearly gone.  Perhaps next December I will sit at this blog with hope beyond what I have right now.  Perhaps.

One thing I do know.  Life is so precious.  Part of me says 'how sad not to have figured that out earlier' the other side says Thank God  I have.