The past is taking over the present

The past is taking over the present.

This is hard.  Truly hard.  I have written about “m” who finally got to confront the evil one from his childhood (who happened to be a short lived marriage for me) about a week ago.  Since then it has become increasingly difficult for me.  That may sound really selfish but it is my story and that is my truth.  I have been barraged by the father of “m” and how I put him in harms way.  That I  did not do what I should to have protected “m”.  That I KNEW what was going on……………………………..

Yesterday “m” called and said this has been transferred to our area for the investigators to review.  That I may be in trouble for covering up these allegations.  Are you kidding me?  WTH!  Out of one breath he stated to his dad, ‘if this means mom is in trouble then I won’t pursue this’.  Me?  So I talked to “m” and asked was he worried?  His response was “I don’t care who goes to jail for this!”  I was heartbroken to say the least.  I am not worried in the least about my part but just the merry-go-round of emotions for him,the rest of the family and I is a little overwhelming.

I made really poor choices my entire life.  This marriage was short lived but one that I truly regret.  For so many reasons.  However, with all of this coming out I am slapped with how truly damaging that 2 year period in our lives was and is.

I want to talk to ‘m” and just try to get him to see that it took me some time to walk away but never in a million years did I think he was being harmed in the capacity it was.  NEVER!

Now, I am coming to terms with this on my own terms.  I see the truth but know that everyone remembers things differently.  “m” sees from the eyes of a 4 year old.  How terribly sad is that?

Not to sound all pitiful because the true miracle here is that “m” was able to face that giant.  From here the recovery ball is in his court.  He has stated he does not need counseling.  He is 32 and makes his own choices.

On a lighter note we are celebrating 3 birthdays this weekend.  My oldest granddaughter will be 14, the twins will be 11.  Where has time gone? 

I am so grateful to be ‘present’ for such occasions today.  That is truly a gift from God.