This has been a hard week.
Another run through the depression bs.
I found myself on my bedroom floor this morning, sobbing and wondering
will this ever end?!
I decided to keep a journal daily about how I feel/what is
going on, to see if there is a pattern.
Something tangible I can take to my therapist to see if she sees something
I don’t. I don’t know what is going to
happen. I cannot trust my emotions and
frankly, they are beginning to scare me.
As I said, I want to keep a log (if you will) to see how
often this happens. All I know is the
ups and downs are wearing me out. :)
Anyway the point to this rambling is that this morning I looked
for a small notebook I began in January 2005.
Not daily, but as often as I could I made an entry. So, I flip through it and oh the misery
inside. I could feel the pain of the
writer and wanted to cry. Just what I needed
on a day where nothing is making sense.
Of course 99% was about RJ and my marriage. As I scanned page after page I was saddened
by the words written by a woman so broken.
So, what started out as an emotional morning, started to change while
reading her own words. I was struck by
the reality that I had truly come a long way.
That really gave me a shift in
my emotions. So, perhaps re-reading some
of those pages was meant to be.
So, I will end here.
While the smile is on my face……
I’m not where I want to be, but thank God I am not where I used to be.
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