Deep breathe. I am sick today. My wayward sober seeking son came over last night needing a place to stay. I told him ok but for a few days ONLY! He got upset but that isn't my concern. He was different from the days leading up to. I do not think he was clean. It broke my heart. for him. He was angry and quiet and furious and disjointed. All someone elses problem. He could see no part in it himself.
I quit talking to my Alanon sponsor. I hate to say it but I really could not see how that program (unlike the AA program) could make me better. This morning I am rethinking that. See if "he" is ok then I am. Totally wrong thinking. He may or may not stay the course of sobriety. His sobriety or life may rock one way or the other. Am I to take on this nauseating feeling each time? I am working to stop my part. But it is hard. And well I just slack off and then try to run and "catch up" make sense.
God does such glorious things IF we allow him into our lives. Today I needed extra time with him and a sponsee called first thing this morning giving me some of her God shots from yesterday renewing my faith.
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