I was coming apart this morning. Fear, Anxiety, self loathing, judgment, anger....... need I go on? Where was all this coming from? I had a sponsor tell me (gently guide me) to living my truths. It was so freeing. But that was several years ago. I realized this morning that I had stopped doing that. I had managed (imagine that) to attach myself right to the very folks that I did not even want too. How does that happen? And on top of that become increasingly angerier being there. Now doesn't that just fit the bill of an alcoholic? So, I sat at my kitchen table and started my list. MY truths. Not yours. It began again. That freedom to list those simple things. I got excited. I emailed a friend in the program. Please, meet me this weekend, I need to discuss w/ someone I trust this stuff. So, we are and I will disclose to her my list. This is truly to gain the insight of another woman's perspective. Someone that will not try to change my mind. Why is it we want to redirect someone's thinking? I mean I may get off track at times, but refuse to allow just anyone to push me in any direction.
Step 11 - Sought through prayer AND meditation that means spending time with right? I feel alive again. Renewed. Peaceful.
Thank you God!
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