I lived my life shutting people out IF they could not or would not do what I wanted them to do. Painfully destroying those that allowed it, licking wounds when they wouldn't. In working the steps of the AA program I am reminded that after step 9 and the amends process I can not longer act that way. Hmmm. I am looking for loopholes here. Loopholes that I do not need.
It tells us in the literature that we block ourselves from the sunlight of the spirit when I shut myself off from you. Those walls that held me in for so long (and you out) are no longer necessary. NOT if I'm living in these principals. Trusting God for all that I need has given me freedom. But, that does not mean I'm perfect at this. Not by far. But I'm willing to learn and listen and allow those walls to come down "most"of the time.
Isn't it interesting that the thing that I thought was my protective gear (walls) actually were damaging to my spirit? But now in knowing that how am I to live? When I am still very skeptical of the world around me. And truly uneasy about people getting too close. Why? Does that matter? Not sure on that one. However, I need to live without borders. Learning that trust is a two way street helped too.
Learning to love people where they are is difficult but necessary. After all, didn't you love me long before I could even look at myself in the mirror?
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