Reflections

I have been deep in reflection lately.  Uh oh.  Yeah I know, last place I should be.  Or should it?  I am speaking at my home group birthday night next week.  EGO, EGO, EGO.  coupled with false pride and what do you get.  ME! 
So I want to entertain not bore.  How do I do that?  I have spoken before.  Several times.  And all of them seemed pretty mundain.  But that is my life.  I don't have drunk stories that sound funny or even come close.  My story is full of anxiety, pain, disappointments.  Until I got sober.  And then it started to even out.  But that has taken sometime. How do I stand up in front of those people that watched me get sober.  and those that didn't and sound like I have any clue as to what is going on? 
Ok, God do your thing.  Cause this girl will go off in all kinds of directions.
So, what do I know for certain?  That i have a different view on life and those around me.  Some I see so clearly that I am walking away from.  Others I can see real clearly the hurt I caused.  I feel the presence of God working in and around me.  When I am hurt I try to see why it goes so deep.  When I am fractured by life I try to see where it went awry.  Listen, I don't have all the answers.  Heck i really don't have any.  So, I ask God daily to direct my thinking and my actions.  Somedays I'm succesful and others not so much. 
I try not to live in fear of the "what ifs or the oh no's".  I'm not perfect.  But I am allowing those around me the distinct pleasure of not being too.  It is a joy to look around (on a good day) and see the world as it really is.  On those days when it seems bleak I retreat inside and ask God to help me get through this.  His strength is unmeasurable. 
When I look back on the past 5 + years I see clearly HIS hand in all over my life.  The cease fighting has given me some relief.  I am not always good at it but I recognize sometimes when I am doing it. 

See I have something to share.  That 12 steps brought me to a new relationship with God and you.  All of you.  And when I am 'on the beam' per sey, I can love and allow His power to flow!