Divorce and Death

I went and sat with a friend last night who lost her husband the day before.  So sad.  They had found each other in their 40’s and so in love.  They just belonged together and you could tell everytime you saw them together.  But that was several years ago, before his alzeimers began to steal his memory, his life.  He fought a hard battle and, to some, I suppose they might say he lost.  But did he?  His faith was so strong and perhaps depending on belief, he is in a better place.  So as we sat with her she looked so warn, so defeated.  She had lost so much weight and the strain was evident on her face.  She showed me the cot she slept in for the past year, right beside his hospital bed.  She never left his side.  I looked around their house and saw a home that had little attention as of late, another statement to how all of this played on her life.  She showed us a collage of photos he had put together sometime ago, so many pictures of the two of them, of other family members… such joy… such laughter… so long ago.  My heart broke for her… and my heart still saddened by her loss. 

Offering myself for whatever I could do, was all I could do.  She was just so scattered (and rightfully so) I could see she needed rest more than anything.  There were not enough hugs for her to shield her from the pain.  I cried with her and I can feel the lump growing in my throat just thinking about them.

Between the two of them they had over 60 years of sobriety.  Wow!  How incredible is that?  He lived and breathed sober living, giving back.  An incredible legacy and one I am proud to have witnessed, if only for a short time. 

We should all have that love; the one that goes so deep you can’t imagine life without them.  How will she get along, alone. 

I called the love of my life this morning.  We haven’t spoken for a few weeks for good reasons.  I wished him a happy birthday to which he thanked me.  We have celebrated 23 of those together or mostly together.  That made me sad.  Endings suck no matter how they come.

Death or divorce, they are both final and neither party comes out the other side happier. 

On a lighter note; my precious grandkids came over for the weekend.  Sometimes I just feel wiped out by their visit.  Just loud, crazy, silly stuff that I’m not used to.  But not this time.  We had a blast at the lake, I thoroughly enjoyed cooking for them.  Listening to the laughter seemed so right.  So peaceful. 

Sometimes, if I stop long enough, if I’m quiet long enough, I can feel the moment gently pass by and know that none of this is going to waste.  Thank God for that!

 

Jj