Saturday in the Park........

So, I take my ego driven self downtown this morning to try my hand (uh, body) at body boot camp.  Now, I work out, lift weights, run, elliptical, repeat.. Got the picture?  Yeah, well nothing prepared me for this.  Mostly high intensity cardio, my least attentive activity.  Oh, and let me also add that we were outside in the park, next to the canal.  REally pretty, and a slight breeze blowing the 78 degree temps around.  I am not joking when I say I was afraid more than once that I was going to pass out.  Did I quit?  NO, of course not.  Ego, Ego, Ego!  But i'm glad I didn't.

Relationship post again.  I am just sick of being single, most of the time.  I just keep feeling the physical effect of age and knowing it truly does play a huge role in who we 'think' we are.  What I am trying not to do is let my head noise keep me in bondage over yet one more relationship opportunity down the drain.  I keep telling myself and whispering to God, please remove all the people from my life that do not lend anything to a spirit driven life.  This includes the opposite sex.  A friend said this morning  to 'trust' in the process (no matter what that process is doing).  Some days I am successful and that and others, not so much.

This sounds like I am pitiful, but actually I am disappointed, but know that when it's 'right' it will be there.  Enjoy life daily, let Him take me where He wants me to be.

On July 7th it will be 3 years since my painmeds panic.  That 'white' chip that I never wanted to touch again was handed to me once more.  Now, I still like to remember that it has been over 7 years of no drinking.  That just doesn't seem fun any more.  So, 3 years and thank you God that for that short 3 days I was brought back quickly and did not go down the oh shit shoot one more time.

I think I will shower and head to a movie and dinner.  All by myself.  To see....... well i'm not sure but the weather does not look good outside so it is probably a great day to hit the theatre. 

Enjoy your Saturday, be it in the park or wherever.

The time(s) of our lives

Ah the times of our lives…………….  The times of OUR lives.   The TIMES…………. 

Emotionally my week has been full.  Spiritually it is absolutely full and over flowing.  Physically I feel awesome!  And here comes the 3 day weekend!!!!!!!!!

‘R’ called last night to tell me he would be home today.  I was excited/am excited.  Can you imagine.  Our dance continues.  Now, he did not say come over…………. So my imagination just takes me where I allow it to.  URRRRR!  Turn left!   It occurred tome this morning that he left 2 weeks ago.  After a few days he called and admonished me for a comment I sent him.  It hurt but oh well.  He called again a few nights ago to tell me he was on his way home.  And again last night.  But during his time out west I did not hear from him.  So, he leaves and forgets… he comes back and he THINKS I will jump.  God help me not to. 

I am excited for a kayak trip this weekend.  Family going.  It is supposed to be incredibly hot 96 degrees!  Humid and slight chance of a shower.  Which usually cools it off.  Just to be on the water for the six hours it takes to go from point A to B.  I’m ready!  Daughter going this time for her first time.  I hope she enjoys this.  While it is work (you paddle the whole time) it is fun too.

Went to a dinner party last night at a friends house.  We have known each other since we were about 13.  Thick and thin.  Good and bad.  Divorces and death.  Her youngest son OD’d 11 years ago yesterday.  Her poor soul has suffered incredible loss and she is just now beginning to come up for air.  She is an awesome woman who after 17 years of marriage her pos husband leaves her for another woman.  Leaving her with their 3 kids all under 15.  Finally she meets and marries a wonderful man that has given her all the love she never had from #1.  I am in awe of his love for her.  He constantly showers her with it.

Life still moves in a direction we aren’t always in agreement with.  But it moves.  Whether we go willingly or not…. It continues.  Without our permission.  So, if we/I allow God to direct us… who /what shall we fear…………?

Awesome power of God!

Sometimes I want to forget or try to forget that I am a recovering woman.  Less meetings, less meditation... less connections to those who truly understand that disease.  I know that AA brought me to God and from there I am fully seated in a wonderful church.  Can we have both?  My scales tip one wa
y or the next but the desirable location would be in the center.  Yesterday our topic was awareness.  So, I began to ponder on that.  Just how aware am I?  Am I present?  Do I listen while someone is talking?  Where are my feet?  Right here, right now.....   Practicing!

Worried about the man child again.  After having a pretty awful surgery they gave him some pain meds.  Then a second round.  Now, he stopped taking them before he finished the 2nd script and that made me happy (for him).  However, he isn't going to meetings and seems distant and detached.  It would kill me to see him slip away but I also know that I am not in charge of his life.  But that does not free me from the concern. 

'R' leaves this week for a 15 day trip out west.  I just feel some jealousy about this.  He had promised that we would go.  Ok, I digress.

Do we really ever change our stripes?  I fight  that fight more often that I care to admit.  those defects still roam around my spirit.  I read a long time ago that we are what we think.  We are what we dwell on.  So, for today I shall focus on God, meditation and renewing of my spirit.

And if that still doesn't quiet the lion inside...  find another woman to help. 

Here is a beautiful sunset last night.  Awesome power of God!