This is it!!!

No excuse.  Well maybe that life gets incredibly busy.  And boy has it!

Back to school.  I got my first English paper back.  Totally awashed in red ink.  We all know what that means.  She is one tough instructor.  But then again  this is college English!

Spent a few hours in the math lab.   Sometimes that one on one helps to understand.  It did.  For a minute. 

The man-child turns 32 in a few days.  Where in the world did that time go?  I almost want to cry thinking how life churns.  Remembering how cute he was as a child.  Once when he was about 4 or 5 he rode his bike to a neighbor friend of his.  Within a short time he was back and really upset.  All he wants was a friend to play with and boy did he pick the wrong one.  He was really sad. 

He had some interesting growth spirts.  From about 4 to about 7 his waist size didn’t change.  So his shorts fit year after year.  Pants?  That was another story. 

I will leave out the middle years.  They were trying and painful.  He was difficult to love which is hard to say.  Defiant to the end.  I really did not think he would make it to 21. 

Off to war.  Back in one piece physically but not so mentally and certainly  not spiritually.  We will never know what his time over there was.  Probably don’t want to know.

His life shifted almost a year ago.  I have written about it already.  I couldn’t be prouder.  Recovery has been good to him.  Most days he is fun to be around.  Job, truck, insurance for that truck, checking account.  All things he lost to the disease.  All things that show how far he has come in a short time.  I know that ‘things’ don’t really show how we are inside.  Hell I could add a dozen things externally that make me happy (for a minute).  It is the inside job that really is the barometer. 

So,  here it is the end of January.  Where the heck did it go?  Was I present?  Am I enjoying the ‘journey?’  Trying to.

Enjoy yours.  After all………………….. this is it!

New Year 2013

Well here we go.................. WEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee enjoy the ride!
Whether we like it or not it's here.  The holidays are gone.   The winter months are in full swing and the limited sunlight makes the world seem bleak.  But, it is not.  It is truly how I view it that seems to make the biggest difference.

I had a small emotional breakdown New Years Eve.  I let my head blow something totally out of wack and when I realized what was truly going on, to fix or change it felt like swimming up stream. 

To tell you that I am still in this relationship (and it is whether he admits it or not) almost makes me cry.  I am praying for divine intervention and then freaking if it 'feels' like that is happening.  Totally screwed up and knowing it.  How insane is that. 
I believe as long as I am getting something out of this relationship I won't move.  I come close and then fear pulls me back.  So much fear. 

School starts back in a few days.  I will once again be consumed with that.  I could or should be grateful for the distraction and I will. 

The grandkids will probably come over this weekend as any other time for the next 4 months gets sketchy.

And the rental issue is coming up at the end of next month.  Whoa!  Way beyond today so I sit back and take a deep breath! 

We are given a 24 hour period so that all that encompasses we can handle, address or pass it along to our God.  And I can and do.

The one resolution (even that word makes me cringe) I will strive to keep is that I shall begin my day on my knees, and truly read (slowly) the new testimate.  Sounds pretty simple huh?  I will make a calendar note for 2 months from today to check my progress.

On to work.............. or rather back to work.

I don't do this as a rule but I want to show you two miracles:


Clean and sober and loving life!