Somedays life is great........

I am learning daily not to live by my feelings.  Waking up used to be a chore.  I would be so sad that I would cry till time to go to work.  How sad is that?  Well those feelings still crop up.  But today I try to see them as they really are.  Walk through them and know that life is going to/  uh is ok.
I have begun training to work on our local crisis line.  There is so much to learn.  I think/thought I was a good listener.  And I am.  But listening is only part of it.  I have spent the past 4 years coaching woman with the same disease I have, alcoholism.  Leading them to solutions that are tried and true.  Well, this isn't the case with the help line.  Proactive listening would be a good term.  Non judgemental.  Leaving our own feelings out of the conversation.  Thank God this is a training class.  about 30 hours of classroom and reading of the "manuel".   I am intrigued and willing to volunteer.  Is this the right avenue for me?  A good fit?  We will see.  If not, I will not hang my head in shame.  I will understand me better and look elsewhere for an opportunity to serve.
One thing I won't forget is I am sober today by God's grace.  There are no good works to get his love, but giving back helps ME to feel better and hopefully will help someone else.

When to tell it all

I recently went through (if you read this you know) a really tough time.  During that time I tried to keep up w/ my sponsee's to the best of my ability.  I felt like what I was going through was not to be discussed w/ them.  You know, they come to me (or us) for direction, help, etc.  Not to hear me whine.  Well a friend in the program with almost 30 years sober, told me that is wrong.  We are human and fallible.  We get sick, some of us drink again.  And I had no business not being honest w/ them.  I realized what she said made sense.  Why would I want anyone to think I'm "fine".  If I'm not. 
So, through this all I have lost a sponsee but my other 2 stayed.  They are so precious to me.  More friendships have come of this whole "will you help me" mode than anything. 
I still have 2 weeks till I can chair meetings again.  Going by our strict code of 90 days sober (yes, the old white chip for a few pain pills still haunts me).  I will feel a part of once again.
Staying sober is not a chore, it's a gift. 
Thank you God for keeping me sober (yes KEEPING me).  I co-operate and look what happens.   Amazing!

It's getting better.... in spite of what I think

Tomorrow will be two weeks since my dental work.  Well 3 from when it began but 2 since the majority of it was done.  And I am so happy to say that the pain is diminishing.  No need for anything stronger than Motrin.  I am able to eat a little more.  I actually got up at 4am to get to the gym.  I haven't been in weeks and boy did it feel wonderful.  For me, I need that physical part of my life.  It gives me a great lift both physically and mentally. 
I went to my normal meeting last night.  It wasn't as packed as normal but it was a good meeting all the same.  We did have a fella come in and cry something we couldn't understand.  He went on and on and really made little sense.  They finally cut him off and he seemed agravated.  My gratitude was so much so just not to be where he was at that moment.  Early sobriety sucks. 
I know I have a God that gives me power to get through any situation.  Taping into it is another story. 
But staying sober is the most important thing in my life, everything else comes second to that.

Trudging...

Oh, I'm trudging alright.  Since having all the dental work done I have lost 14lbs.  I can't eat anything of substance.  Lots of soups though.  Oatmeal and meal replacement drinks.  I feel my iron is really low so I'm ramping up my vitamin intake too.  This will pass I just wish that would come soon.  I feel really detached from life right now.
But, when I think of life before sobriety, I know that where I am today is so much better.  Pain, no love life, children acting up, I mean I could go on, but you get the point.  In spite of... I am in a better place.
Thank you God!