Share and Ponder

How shall I perceive ?

I have heard that life is 20% of what happens to us and 80% of how we react.  Well I have spent my entire life “reacting” to most situations.   I had a boss years ago that called me reactionary.  Whaaaaat?  Me?  I wasn’t even sure what he meant at that time.  But I was certain he wasn’t complimenting me. 

In fact I reacted to that as well.   So, how do I/we/you/they not “do” that? 

Does anyone know?  I sure don’t.  But if looking at things with a different perspective helps, then I am all for it. 

That is my rant for today.

So what’s going on?  Well the move was easy but hard.   I believe that I am still trying to get my energy back.  I will say this;  I stopped taking some meds I was given and now I am back to sleeping like a baby.

Oh, my precious babies (my cats) had/have the hardest time adjusting to the move.  I mean both of them stayed under the bed for days.  Even now if they are downstairs and the door opens they bolt for dear life.  It isn’t funny but it does make me chuckle.   

Also, I hear nothing there - meaning outside noise.  NO neighbors having sex, no babies crying, no gun shots.  No jacked up stereo’s blasting through the night.  Occasionally I will hear a siren but that could be anywhere.  Have I mentioned how much I love my new digs?  I will post a pic another day.

Man child is still there.  Having a sober child living there is so much easier.  I truly am blessed by his life now.  I actually enjoy spending time with him.  He is thriving in this new life he has been given.  And it shows.

My son-in-law lost his job after 10 years.  And that income paid all the bills.  I am praying they don’t lose their house they bought last summer.  He continues to search for a new job and D. found one working at a bank.  I am so proud of her too.  She was sad with the change in the home life.  Kids now get off the bus with dad in the afternoon.  Perhaps he will see how hard mama’s work to keep things flowing on the home front.

Life is certainly good.  I will add this though:  I haven’t spoken to my oldest sibling in a few weeks.  I finally had to detach.  I want to say I love her but hate her life choices but no one turned away from me (well not entirely) but I have to steer clear.  Her relationships are toxic for now.

JAW- to you my distant blogger – I pray all is getting better.  Share your blog with me…. 

Jj

Boston. Road Rage.. Stand by........

I try to post about things that seem important to me at the time.  I know, totally self absorbed. 
I could beat myself up about that but why?  It is my blog.  I'm not being testy.  These words are for me.  I read a blog of a wonderful woman who talked about last weeks events and how they affected her.  I am ashamed.  I too felt horrible watching the news footage.  For days.  But I did not write one thing about it. 
Just know that I am as shaken as the rest of the world.  With the exception, I did not know anyone at the race.  But certainly we should all see this as a blast to our own world (no matter how small).  Slowly we are being pushed into a corner of fear.   But I shall not go.  Fear is a word I am more than familiar with.  Tornado's.  Fire.  Sickness.  Divorce.  add nauseum.  

Do we let that define us?  Yes, at times I do.  This may be one of them.  Over the weekend a creep came barrelling up behind me on the highway  almost kissing my bumper.  Went around me as close as you can without hitting me.  then pulled in front of me with equal deliberation AND hit his brakes.  I hit mine and swerved to avoid a collision all while he watched from his rear view mirror.  What had I done?  What was his deal?  WTH?   Well I fell into a rage.  got beside him and rolled down my window.  I'll show him, stupid sob.  I am screaming at hime furiously!!!!!!!!!!!!!   What does he do?  Rolls his window down (too) and acts like he is holding a gun and shoots me.  What is wrong with us?   This is not any way a comparison to Boston.  No, it is a jerk thinking he should/could scare a woman with little regard for her emotions.  And believe me,  I was emotional!  I played right into his sickness.
Is that what we do?  React?  Act?  Standby?  You decide.

Weather!

If you live anywhere in this country you know how crazy our weather seems to be.  In my neck of the woods, right now we are under tornado watch which quite possibly will change to a warrning .  Now I was not a storm crazy kind of person but April 27, 2011 changed that.  For me and many others.  So, sitting at my desk at 2:pm I can feel this eery presence.  Stillness.  What in the world did people do before radar?  Before the local weather AND the weather channel.  I looked at the sky early this morning and it was beautiful!  I thought years ago some family thought this might me a great day for a picnic or swimming and hours later the bottom falls out.  Scary!

Tornado's are a part of the south.  I have seen the devistation of 1974, 1989, 2011.  Others came inbetween but these are by far the worst.  We hang on, we hang out, we shout out (to a God that has a plan) but most of all we wait it out. 

To the many folks in the path of this horrific storm............ I pray everyone gets out of this unscathed.

Prayer and acceptance

I began this blog some time ago.   I named it 'breathing lessons' or breathing through life's difficult times.
This week is hardly the exception.  Man child has been waiting a decision regarding past decisions that put him in some pretty deep trouble.  By trouble, I mean with the court system.  I do believe that in our addictions we lose all ability to act right.  Nothing matters but "more"  no matter who we hurt to get "it".

I have never faced court.  Never been arrested, but as I have stated before that is NOT because I have led an exemplary life.  To the contrary.

So, as the day continues I will say the serenity prayer over and over, for after all I can not change what is going to happen.  Neither can he. 

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Prayer works!

Well I woke up about a week ago and asked myself, "is this worth it"  meaning the higher learning track i was on.  In the beginning of the whole school thing I broke down to my sponsor that I wanted to change the way I felt and drinking wasn't an option but running my car up a tree sure was! 
It is really interesting (to me)  that when I know, I know.  And I knew that I would not, could not continue.  And when peace comes from that decision then I know it is right (for me).
The weight of the world was lifted and I am so happy.

This woman always has something going on.  After 5.5 years at my apt. complex I am leaving.  I have scouted out several options, none of which seemed right.  But I knew that when I saw it, i would know.  And I believe I have.  Much more room (hurrah).  plus many other extras. 

I have been divorced more than 8 years.  I have moved (including this one) 7 x's.  How horrible is that?  I was still making poor decisions until the final move to where I am now.  I kicked and screamed with the thought of living in an apartment.  But, you know what?  It has been home for all this time.  Looking back God put me right where He knew I needed to be. 

See, if (IF) I get quiet, slow down long enough for my emotions to clear, I usually know what to do. 

Life is good, today.