Do we make a difference?

by "we" you know by now I mean the people doing the "deal' in the halls of our fellowship.  I say, YES.  Unfortunately there are many others that feel they are failed by our program.  I laugh at that notion.  As it says, follow us on this journey.  We don't ever have to drink again.  I believe that.  After some time if/when we do it is by choice, albeit a sad one. 
I sponsor a woman that is in constant crisis (within the infamous head of hers).  For the past year I have sat with her, I have listened to her, I have encouraged her, I have taken her through the steps, I have shown her how we are to help others.  She still says this is too hard.  she took a drink several weeks ago and got that sense of ease and comfort that comes at once.  I'm sure that seed will begin to grow. 
I know for me I had to grow into a place that really understood step 1.  GROW.  I mean to just say it was one thing.  To fully believe it is another.  The insidious disease we have will stop at nothing.  That is why we have a DAILY reprieve.  Cause when i let up on my spiritual growth the "old" me starts to creep back in, as it tries to hide underneath hurt, anger, you name it. 
Somedays I do shortcut this thing.  I don't read some material.  I may not make a meeting.  But at the end of the day I am assured one of the woman I sponsor (and love) will call and the program springs to action.  I love it. 

How incredible today seems.  It was 4 years ago on June 14th that I picked up what I pray is my last white chip.  Now, this year I picked up one of those bronze medallions with the #  IV on it.  I did not have those drunk dreams that seem to begin right around a birthday.  I did not feel different.  But I certainly felt blessed.  I almost cry when I reflect (without being morbid) on how I have changed in this short time.  But I try not to be flippent about the whole thing.  This has taken work and a whole lot of co-operation on my part.  See, I give my day to God and then by God! I act like I have.  I ACT like I want to be a sober woman.  And IF I react badly to a situation, I promptly admit it and look for ways to make it right.  I back out of the careless conversations about others.  Somehow, I walk in love now.  That is the miracle of it.  See, just not drinking was good, at first.  But it can't sustain me.  Not my alcoholic brain.  the one that can still go back to crappy thinking which can lead to bad living (and decisions).  I surround myself with people that are the same.  And the ones that aren't, I've learned to love them from afar. 
Last night we talked about early sobriety.  I can not remember how bad it was.  Oh! I remember him leaving.  I remember crying for months (ok years) over a broken life.  That sticks like glue to my memory.  But what do I remember of the early struggle to not take a drink (or other things)?  Not much.  I've tried.  Perhaps my brain refuses to think about it.  Sort of a mental block?!  So when it comes time to share I share MY experience which is, "i can not remember".  I hear (and think) too often we share what others want to hear.  Not me.  I know how futile it is to sit there listening when what is being shared does not come from their own experiences. 
So, to sum it up I've stayed sober by Gods Grace and doing the deal.  When I get that "thing" in my gut that says, uh uh uh.  I heed to it.  That is the conscience I've gotten from  this program.  On the occasions when I don't listen, I feel it.  I'm frustrated, I'm angry, I'm not comfortable.  And honestly, I do not like being that way. 
So, when my eyes open each morning I think to myself (which I believe reaches the God of my understanding) hurrah for another day.  Upon a wider awakening, I say, "God however I may be of service to you and others, please show me.  
A better deal?  You betcha!